Monthly Archives: February 2014

Jekyll and Hyde Mind

One of the greatest gifts I’ve been blessed with is having a vivid and overactive imagination. Ever since childhood, I would be able to easily summon up characters and stories with great ease and live out plots effectively all in my head. Of course I was quick to learn reading and was at a advanced level at a young age. It was my natural gift. But that gift had a negative side, it meant I had trouble switching that ability off at night.

My mum and dad would talk about how I would wake up crying because someone was in my room or touching me. These were intermittent and pushed to one side as childhood nightmares. I’d always been a vivid dreamer and so this was something I continued to live with. Things did settle down with episodes of maybe a few days in a year. But then that changed during a rather difficult period in my relationship with my daughter’s dad. During a  two to three month stint, I suffered night upon night of hallucinations, and an intense fear of something that was unseen. At this point I felt I was suffering some form of breakdown and it was at this point of seeing doctors and doing research I discovered what the problem was.

Sleep Paralysis and Hallucinations. So what basically happens is that my brain starts to dream before I physically fall asleep and so it causes me to see a distorted version of my surroundings. These can be simple items that move or become something else, seeing a figure of anyone or anything standing or walking in my room right to being touched or held down by unseen hands. This condition is thought to have been where the Succubus/Incubus origins come from and even now certain websites place blame at the devil’s door. I, however, prefer the biological explanation then the supernatural one. I am not keen on the green faced look and I don’t think I’m limber enough for the spider walk downstairs.

tumblr_inline_mxnd5mvg1H1rwj0rhEver since that extreme episode, I now suffer them monthly over a six-seven day stint. Even though those periods are tough to get through, they are part of my life and I’ve learned coping mechanisms so they don’t effect my daily life. Plus, I still dream vividly and it’s because of these dreams that I am able to come up with the ideas I do. So, I have to be grateful. I do have that over active imagination and that’s why I call it my Jekyll and Hyde mind, because while it’s a gift, the downside is that once it gets dark that mind turns into one hell of a bitch.


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