Career and Children

 A very good friend of mine, sent me a link where a female CEO talked about why there are very little women in positions of power. She talked about the obstacles women face and one of them was children. Now, I had my daughter young, and I fell into severe postnatal depression. I tool pill upon pill, tried talking to people, but nothing helped. In the end I took a part time job and lo and behold I began to climb myself out of the dark pit I had fallen into. At the time I took the job my daughter was 3 months old and with the help of my parents I continued working longer and harder in order to achieve a good life for my family. I was very lucky in the fact that I wasn’t alone I also had a working partner, yet as a woman and a mother I would find myself ostracised by other mothers because of my choices. One example was by the time my daughter was attending primary school I was working full time and so it was very rare I would take her or pick her up. There was a school bus that would pick up and drop off near my parents and so things were like clockwork. However, what I did discover after a few years was that whenever there was an headlice outbreak it was my child that was being blamed for starting it. Then, being in my early twenties and not being the woman I am today I hung my head like the shameful mother and carried on. The reality was and still is:How on earth did they manage to pin point a source, because those of us that have had to battle headlice and believe me it can be out and out war, know full well those things go around in circles more times than a donkey in a blacksmiths.

Having thought about this and putting this into context of the sort of parents they were at that school, because I was never seen at the school and was not involved in PTA and cake stalls that automatically made me a bad mother and of course if I was a bad mother then it is logical to assume that I would allow my daughter to be continually infested without any treatment.

Nowadays I don’t let such things affect me especially as things are in reverse now. I am at the moment a student hoping to train in teaching and so I am not working and am now a single parent. This means money is tight and I cannot afford the latest Jack Wills clothing range etc. My daughter is now 14 and is now penalised for being poor by other kids, so, yet again I am a bad mother for not providing.

It seems like a neverending vicious circle where as a woman and a mother you can’t do right for doing wrong. If I worked hard and was never at home, but she had everything than I would be selfish. If I don’t work and always at home, but can’t provide as expected than I am lazy. Mothers get a rough deal as the government want us working, but want us have stable homes and there only seems to be sure fire answer to this problem: We as women, must find ourselves a meal ticket. Go out and find a well paid man, marry him and let him provide. That way we can stay at home and bring up our children correctly and then our meal ticket…erm..sorry…husband will bring home the money and provide.

I am going to end this post with my own views and truth. I have worked and provided for my child and also taken time out from work to try and acheive a qualifaction that can improve those prospects. My daughter may not have the latest gadgets or clothes line, but she is well cared for, stable and most importantly loved. I live my life for myself and my daughter and if such a time a man does enter my life it will not be as a meal ticket. Everything I own I have worked hard to pay for and that will continue. A man should be an addition not improvement. Also when children are born you are not given a manual to tell you what to do, just because another mother does it differently it does not mean she is bad, it just means she has different ideas.


About deborahcfoulkes

I was born and bred in the Yorkshire market town of Selby, which is lucky enough to have an historic abbey church at its centre, also being a 30 minute car drive to famous York, I use every bit of that history to create new worlds. My degree is in History and English Lit, but my leaning is towards history. I have a fascination with the Tudors and I’ve been told by a University tutor, I have an unhealthy liking for Henry VIII. That said my area of expertise study wise is Matthew Hopkins and the so called witches of the 1600’s. Books have been a part of my life as far back as I can remember and I count Stephen King, James Herbert and the Brothers Grimms as my literary heroes. I have a fondness for the macabre and a weakness for the antagonist of any story. By day, I work in a public library and by night or days off, I am hitting the keys of my lovely blue laptop

Posted on March 20, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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